I don't know how to express myself....

Guilty...Disappointed to myself...Down...Hate to live in this world...Want to cry...Wanted so much for a person who can hear and help me...

This is all the words i can use to describe myself at the moment. Tried to release all my stress in tears and word form or else I really don't know where I will ended be.

What a bad day/month! Get scolded at work, rumours about me, car accident, sister problem, i really get enough! I can't blame anyone, except myself. Being an adult is tough, and i don't use to tell everyone, or shed tears everyday, Keeping the stress and problem is worse,but sometimes i don'y know what to do except hide or ignore it, until one day only it explode.

I am so so so tired, but i can't give up this job, there are too many consequences behind. I've to be strong.

二十一

今年的生日，我在工作中度过了。没有惊喜，没有派对，没有钥匙。唯一特别的，就只是朋友在放工后帮我买了片巧克力蛋糕，让落寞又疲惫的我有少少安慰。

故意关了我在面书的生日，以避免回复一堆没有意义的祝福。谢谢那些还真的记得我生日的朋友，谢谢你们的祝福=）

明年的生日，我希望我能休假，然后好好的弄一个蛋糕来犒赏自己，顺道与朋友聊聊天，这样就足够了 =）

压力.质疑

最近这几天的压力好大好大。真的有种要哭的念头，可偏偏又哭不出。

不知道为什么，工作效率慢了，反应慢了，手脚慢了，耳朵聋了，总之什么都不好，状态在假期后就一直不好，偏偏就在要验收我们这群新人能力的时候。

我不想离开这里，我好不容易才适应这个地方；可留在这我又怕我能力不好拖累他人。

就像我讨厌交际却被逼交际一样。有哪份工可以需要不会说花言巧语的人吗？？我好想要

Holiday!!!

Finally is my turn to go holiday~ Start off the holiday with a langkawi trip just after my late on call duty, then a crazy shopping at kl, at last resting at my home. It's super packed but i manage to have lots of new experience and lots of delicious food, Mmm, really satisfied!!



 

OT life_2

其实，这里的生活没有想象中的那么难过，或许我因该说现在我过得比我想象中的要好得多了。同事相处融洽，天天快快乐乐学习，偶尔的小挫折又算得了什么呢？（真的真的很感恩佛祖保佑让我进了那么好的一个组，让OT的‘童年’充满了爱 =D）

虽然知道身边还是发生着腥风血雨战争，但我们这些小兵小卒又能做的了什么呢？唯一能做的就是尽快学习以保住自己未来的安全和尽量别惹事就是了。对于未来怎样`别人的评语`我们根本就控制不了，与其担心，不如尽量把握开开心心的当下不是更好吗？ =）

慢生活--悠闲下午的奇想

炎热的下午，随着朋友回到高渊的家,便开始了我这悠闲的周末。

其实，本来我比较想一个人呆在家的，但经不起朋友极力邀约,便去啦~结果就在这里狂写blog,因为实在是太悠闲了啊！！

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我啊~还真是一个极其容易进入放空状态的人，每当累的时候更容易进入这种状况。所以我想了好久，到底世界有那份工是比较适合我的，因为突然觉得我这样放空的护士，还真是危险叻。

唯一不让我自己放空的方式就只有让自己的身体不断的有东西做，就这样我的大脑才不会突然睡着；如果只是光盯着那样东西看,我望着望着又会不小心走神了。唉~真是令人烦恼的大脑啊！

还有，我才发现我专心起来的时候，是连声音都可以filter掉的。今天我就专心的在看电视，没发现朋友要走了，她们好像是叫了我好多声，最后忍不住吼了我一下我才回过神来。天啊~原来我的专心可以到这种地步！真是见鬼了，我平常做工时都会忍不住偷听人家说话的说，难道是轻松的环境比较能令我放心全神贯注？？

OT life_1

Huh..since when i become so lazy to update my blog, and for the first time i really want blog about my working life.

Is already one month there, and I (or I should say 'we'- the 20 of us) still don't have the sense of belonging to the department. We are still treated as students, get thousands of complains, and some unreasonable scoldings. Anyhow, we learn a lot of things, BUT, we are not sure how well we can perform.

And, today is really a hectic day for me. Not just because I am starting to put my hands on, it is also i start to feel the speed, the stress, complication, the risk....OMG, it is so scary and i feel my adrenaline level is all the time high today!!!

This is just the start, I hope I will be a fast learner and cope all the stress well as soon as possible